Ironically, I was meant to start this blog a couple of days ago but I was picking so much that I only had time for chores and errands. I’ve read up on countless theories behind dermatillomania and tips on how to cope. Apparently it can’t be controlled but managed so I’ve been trying to figure it out, failing at every corner. I know my neurotic rumination, junk food, alcohol, lack or sleep and exercise are contributing to being in this funk. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you struggle with impulse control. I spent most of my youth trying to control myself socially so it was nice to lose control in the form of nail biting. Until one new years resolution I decided not to do it ever again and I followed through. If only the same would happen for my other unwanted habits. They say more sleep, less screen time helps and yes if I can’t sleep and/or use my phone for longer than necessary everything seems harder to do, including making decisions. I also find that after going on holiday where there’s more sun, softer water and interesting activities to distract me, I’m looking and feeling much better. That’s after my skin’s healed from the preplanning and airport stress. Yet even when I’ve been good with my wanted habits I can still feel off and then indulge in unwanted habits to offset the underlying pressure of uncertainty building up. I throw in the towel and get back to square one. So my problem is persistence through times when there’s no evidence of positive results. I hope I’m just being human in this but it’s a lonely pursuit. I remember hearing on a sitcom that a character’s condition was like wearing an itchy jumper, the urge is constantly there even on a good day. This coping mechanism is taking over my daily functioning and the way I deal with it needs to change.