Being both anxious about being depressed and depressed about being anxious is a dizzying whirlwind of a dilemma. You’re trying to get on with your day but fear leaves you stuck so you’re anxious to be productive and worry about the fatigue. How long will it last this time? Even when you manage to get up and go you’re still concerned about why gravity is so heavy today. I’ve tried getting help but it was kind of futile. Medication made me worse, multiplying my fatigue tenfold (but of course it can work for others). It was good of my dermatologist to refer me to a therapist but every psychiatrist and psychologist I saw never focused on my skin. There was less awareness of my condition back then so I try not to feel too frustrated about it. They did however teach me how to relax with meditation and change my perception of myself as well as the world. One of my biggest habits is getting caught up in my mental chatter, causing me to autopilot and pick like there’s no tomorrow. It brings me relief from the anxiety and depression. And then the guilt sets in, especially if I have an event to go to soon. It’s common for people like me to not have worn short sleeves or shorts in years. Then the psychogenic itching and picking helps with the idea of having to socialise. The vicious cycle is never ending and to top it off, one needs to brace themselves to get into a shower that cuts at you even in tepid water. Then apply a cream that feels like putting aftershave on all over. I hope the tone of this isn’t coming across as too whiny, I try to be humorous about the matter these days in an attempt to prevent the deepening of the anxiety-depression combo. I have the tools to make things better I just need to keep utilising them.
The Push and Pull of Anxiety and Depression
